Quotes or sayings are often used as a way to express a person’s thoughts and feelings to the world. They are short, powerful statements that people can share with others on their social media feed or when they want to show their personality. But how do you find the perfect quote?
That’a when we come in handy! In this post you will find a huge selection of the funniest quotes to post on your social media. Check it out!
Funny quotes for your Instagram stories
Check out below a great list of quotes for you to post on your Instagram stories and make your friends and followers laugh.
I just saw the smartest person when they were in front of the mirror.
I wanted to lose weight, but I hate to lose.
Call the FBI and tell them I fell down a flight of stairs!
I follow the quote, “Always be true to yourself” because I just lie to others!
I wish I could silence people in real life.
My sarcasm only gets me in trouble when my brain-to-mouth filter is malfunctioning.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
I don’t look for problems. Problems usually find me.
If a person who drinks too much is an alcoholic, then is someone who never drinks called a non-alcoholic?
Dear Problems… Please give me some discount… I am your regular customer.
Take my advice, I don’t use it anyway.
“If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of fun out of owning one
Never laugh at your wife’s choices. You are one of them.
Love may be blind, but marriage is a true revelation.
You can never buy love, but you will still have to pay for it.
Funny quotes to Post on your Status
Make people’s day even more fun with these funny status quotes. Post a funny joke daily and be the fun of your friends.
I’m so poor I can’t even pay attention!
I’m too lazy to stop being lazy.
I really want to work hard. But being lazy is a lot of fun.
If I won the prize out of laziness, I would send someone to fetch it for me.
I’m not lazy, I’m in power saving mode.
I’m not lazy, just very relaxed.
I’m not running away from hard work, I’m too lazy to run.
Laziness is the mother of all bad habits, but ultimately she is a mother and we must respect her!
Never give up on your dreams, keep sleeping.
Some Funny Quotes for your social media
Social media is a huge part of our lives nowadays. It’s where we get most of our news, it’s where we share our deepest thoughts, and it’s where we connect with friends and family. Try these funny quotes on your social media stories to make your friends laugh and have a good time on their social media too!
Buying is an art. I’m an artist. Please respect.
I really need a day between Saturday and Sunday.
I love my job only when I’m on vacation.
I always arrive late to the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.
3 words that are prettier than I LOVE YOU for a married woman: No Cooking Today.
Behind every successful man is a surprising woman.
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
The man is the head, but the woman is the neck. And she can turn her head any way she wants.
You could be right or you could be the husband.
In my house I am the boss, my wife is just the one who makes the decisions.
Funny Quotes for Facebook Status
Social media has grown to be a major part of our lives. We post statuses, photos, videos and more. Sometimes in the hustle and bustle of daily life we forget to post anything at all. We may even feel guilty if we think we’re being neglectful of our friends’ updates on their lives.
Here are some Funny Quotes to post on your Facebook Status. Brighten up the day of your friends and followers with these quotes:
You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
Dear Facebook: Please stop asking me what’s on my mind. I’m gonna get myself in trouble if I keep spilling my guts to you.
It may look like I’m doing nothing, but I’m actively waiting for my problems to go away.
Every rule has an exception, especially this one.
Women’s Excuses: I’m sorry, but it was your fault.
Yes, of course I’m athletic… I surf the Internet every day.
This morning when I was driving my Ferrari, the alarm woke me up.
I want someone to give me a loan and then leave me alone.
The richer you get, the more expensive happiness becomes.
Oxymoron: When an astronaut feels under the weather.
Freedom means the right to yell, “THEATRE!” in a crowded fire.
I wonder if Ikea has a decaf coffee table.
If a mute person burps, does it make a sound?
I’ve never had champagne that tastes like cherry cola, but I know someone who wants to live like the ape man.
I always dreamed of being a millionaire like my uncle! He is also dreaming.
Talking to myself because I’m my own consultant.
Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.
I talk to myself because I like to deal with a better class of people.
I don’t need a hairdresser, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.
Funny Quotes for WhatsApp Status
Use these fun quotes to post on your WhatsApp status. Be sure to show your funny side to your contacts. Enjoy!
I swear my pillow could be a hairdresser. I always wake up with the weirdest hairstyles.
I’m not crazy, I prefer the term mentally hilarious.
The hardest thing I’ve ever tried is to be normal.
Out of my mind. I’ll be back in five minutes.
Hi! Whatsapp is using me.
Hey are you reading my status again?
Life is too short. Don’t waste reading my Whatsapp status.
Hey you, yeah I’m talking to you, why the hell are you reading my status?
Hey you, yes you. The only one reading this. Want to know a secret? You and beautiful. Never give up.
If you’re reading this, I’m sure you have nothing to do in life.
Funny Phrases for Status on Social Networks
Take this opportunity to post several funny phrases on your social media status and amuse your friends and followers.
So you are checking my status.
My “last seen in” was just to check your “last seen in”.
Say it to my face, not through your status.
Stop checking my status better if you have your own.
WAIT! You have an appointment to see my status.
Not always available. Try your luck.
Happiness is when “last seen in” changes to “online” and then to “typing”
Low battery, disturb later.
It may seem like I’m not doing anything, but in my head I’m very busy.
Don’t be stupid with me, I’m better at it!
Use these fun phrases to make your friends and followers laugh on your statuses every day.
As soon as they stop talking to you, they start talking about you.
Life gives obstacles, but I’m an athlete. So it’s fun.
Life has taught me many lessons, but I also ended those lessons.
I really should do something with my life…maybe tomorrow.
I made a huge list of things to do today. I just can’t figure out who’s going to do it.
When one door closes, another door must be opened, but if it doesn’t, enter through the window.
If plan A fails, remember you have 25 letters left.
Sometimes life gives you a second chance because maybe the first time you weren’t ready.
Always give 100% unless you are donating blood.
I was reminded that my blood type is BE POSITIVE!
I have type O positive blood, which I remember for remaining ‘positive optimistic’.
I was born to be pessimistic. My blood type is B negative.
It’s not the mirror’s fault if you don’t like your reflection.
I’m just a mirror for you, You’re good, I’m the best, You’re bad, I’m the worst.
I don’t have time to hate the people who hate me because I’m busy loving the people who love me.
Come live in my heart and pay no rent.
Dear stress let’s break up.
I wish I had a delete button on my life. To erase some people, some memories and some feelings.
I would like to apologize to someone I have NOT offended. Please patient, I will get back to you soon.
Having a child makes you a parent; Having two, you are an arbiter.
